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By The Guru
The Guru's Guide to Weathering Change with Grace, Humor, Elegance and Wit while still Looking Fabulous
I don't know if it's global warming (i.e. climate change) or the planet no longer spinning the same way on its axis but it seems as though everyone I know has experienced some kind of life-altering event this year. Including yours truly.
At the risk of sounding like, well, a Guru, all change is an opportunity for growth. The key is in how you respond to it. Do you hide in a darkened room with several pints of ice cream and ignore the phone? Or do you take a deep breath and open yourself up to the possibility that you may be a stronger, healthier, smarter person at the other end of this transition?
It's not that there aren't times when it's acceptable to hide in your room, eating ice cream. But sooner or later you're going to have to face the world. (Even if it's later and it requires an entire squadron of firemen to cut you out of your couch and remove you from your home.) The Guru is of the pull-the-band-aid-off-quickly philosophy. But, obviously, I am not a sadist. So I have collected here some of my techniques for weathering change with grace, humor, elegance and wit while still Looking Fabulous:
Technique #1: Sort through your friends
If we are honest, we all have to admit that not all of our friends are all that, well, supportive. Sure, we love our friends, but that doesn't mean that they are equally good for us. As one of the Guru's very wise friend pointed out to her – some friends are faucets and some are drains. Go over all your friends in your mind and think about how you feel when you are with them. Do you feel energized? Happier? More inclined to laugh? Positive? Or do you feel negative and somewhat icky? Do you have a tendency to talk about other people negatively or talk about each other lovingly, supportively and positively? During your period of transition and change it is very important that you be selective about the voices you hear, the feedback you let in. Really pay attention to how you feel when you are with your friends. It is not your job to judge your friends – that's a negative energy pursuit. Rather, you are minimizing the negative energy you are letting in by loving your negative energy friends or relatives from a distance. BUT, before you decide whether or not someone is a drain, look at your behavior with your drain friends. It could be that both of you are investing in negative energy pursuits together. What happens if you stop? What happens if you start behaving and talking positively around your negative energy friends? Do they adjust with you? Or do they persist in talking about negative subjects? If they continue on a negative refrain, then you know that this friend is a drain. Your goal here is to make choices that make you happier and more positive, to love yourself enough to set healthy boundaries with unhealthy friends. And to do this in a loving (i.e. non-judgmental) way. Unfortunately, some of our family members can be the most negative and draining people in our life. I recommend that you minimize contact with these relatives and be very kind and loving to yourself immediately before and after contact. Journalling can be a helpful way to process your feelings and to become more aware of why you feel a certain way around certain people so that as you get better at identifying faucets and drains you can stop negative cycles before they begin.
Technique #2: Take Your Vitamins
Even if the change you're experiencing is a positive thing – marriage, a new baby, a fantastic new job – you are likely going to be experiencing a lot of stress during the transition. It's very important that you take some kind of B Complex supplement. Stress depletes our B vitamins, making us more prone to illness. We all know the usefulness of taking Vitamin C or a multi-vitamin but fewer people take a B Complex supplement. Do it. Your body will thank you. Another supplement that I can not recommend enough is a whole food/super food supplement. When we're stressed out, or experiencing a major life change, the first thing to go is our good eating habits. A super food supplement won't replace your daily intake of fruits and vegetables but it will make sure you're getting the micronutritients you're missing by not eating fresh fruits and vegetables. My favorite is Green Vibrance. I mix one scoop of it in a glass of apple juice every morning and take it with my vitamins. I have one friend who actually takes her green super food supplement in the mid-afternoon in place of her pick me up coffee. She swears it does the same thing without the caffeine crash.
Technique #3: Invest in some “Being” time
Times of transition usually mean times of high activity… meaning lots of “doing” time and very little “being” time. “Doing” time is time spent on activities you do to accomplish something – they include work, going to the gym, running, chores, talking on the phone… “Being” time is time you spend on activities that don't “get” you something immediate (except for a feeling of relaxation). Examples of being time: reading, going for a walk, taking a yoga class, getting a massage, taking a bath, walking your dog (or playing with your cat), writing a letter. Invest in “being” time. It is the best investment you can make for yourself long term. It will reduce your stress level, lower your blood pressure and make you a generally calmer, more centered person. Personally, I think getting a massage can be the absolute best gift you can give yourself. I have many friends who are on extremely tight budgets who yet make space for a weekly massage because it makes such a dramatic difference in their health and well-being. You don't have to go to an expensive spa for a massage. There are plenty of inexpensive, yet therapeutic places to get a massage – typically Korean spas or Thai massage parlors are a good place to look. Or, find a massage therapy school near you and volunteer to be a guinea pig!
Technique #4: Take Care of Your Skin
During periods of stress, our skin tends to get dull and grey looking. Avoid this by taking good care of your skin and exfoliating. My favorite cleaning and exfoliating skincare products come from a Japanese company called DHC. I use their Cleansing Oil at night to remove make up (it literally removes every last trace – including mascara, leaving my skin fresh, not oily) then in the morning I use their Mild Soap with their miraculous little Facial Brush. My skin has never been so clear and soft, my pores so tiny. Literally within a week of using these products, two of my good friends (who have very different skin types from me) – ordered the exact same products and both of them are just as amazed by the results. (In fact, one friend's husband has started using the products as well.) If you think that a cleansing oil will make your skin oilier, think again. It cleans thoroughly without stripping your skin of much needed oils (when cleansers strip your skin of oil, they make your skin overproduce oil… which is what causes breakouts). And the soap doesn't dry my normal to combination skin out at all. (And normally I don't touch soap with a ten foot pole.) My skin has never looked so good!
Of course, the skin on your face isn't the only area that needs help. Exfoliating stimulates the skin cells, improves circulation and generally makes you softer and glowier. I have a fail-safe method for super-soft skin from head to toe. I start with a dry skin brush before I shower or take a bath. Dry skin brushes are available at most drugstores or health food stores. Make sure to pick one that has natural bristles. I start brushing my feet in a circular motion, then work my way up my legs, up my torso (back then front) and finally brush my arms. Your movements should always be working towards your heart. Dry skin brushing will do more to remove dead skin cells than any other form of exfoliation and stimulates your lymphatic system to drain – all things that will make your skin glow glow glow. Plus it feels reeeeeeallly good.
Once in your bath or shower, you can use an exfoliating towel or mitt with your soap to continue the good benefits. (I use those brightly colored Korean scrubby “towels” that they sell at beauty supply stores, drugstores and health food stores.) But the big gun is the salt or sugar scrub. I don't use a salt or sugar scrub on my whole body every day – I just use it on areas that need extra help or extra love – my dry, scaly elbows (which are no longer dry and scaly), my feet, and all the areas of my body which I'm less than delighted with. The thing is, if you've got silky smooth skin on your butt (or thighs, or upper arms), it's hard to hate that area because, after all, it's such a pleasure to caress it. (One of my dearest friends, who used to hate her upper arms, now loves them because the daily salt scrub has made them so delectably soft. And her lover is constantly praising her amazing skin…) About once a week (or before a date), I will scrub my whole body with the salt/sugar scrub. I prefer salt scrubs because they remineralize your skin (especially important because our bathing water contains a lot of chlorine, which leaches minerals from our skin and dries it out) but if you are prone to nicks or cuts you may find a sugar scrub preferable. Trader Joe's sells fantastic, and inexpensive, salt and sugar scrubs but if you want to splurge (and hate the fact that the scrubs make your shower oily and slippier), try any of Philosophy's scrubs.
If you want, you can also make your own salt or sugar scrub by mixing either epsom salts, dead sea salts or granulated sugar with olive oil or jojoba oil. Follow the link for some “recipes”. Skip the essential oils if you have allergies, or use them to customize your own fragrance, substitute sugar for salt if you prefer it:
http://www.glenbrookfarm.com/herbs/saltscrubs.html
Technique #5: Fake That Glow!
Ok, your DHC order hasn't come in yet, you haven't had time to incorporate all the new exfoliating into your regime, and you have a big date and want to fake the glow. Never fear, the Guru is here!
• Start with clean, dry skin. Instead of eye cream, use jojoba oil under your eye and across the top of your cheekbones. (I actually use jojoba oil instead of moisturizer. It's not actually an oil so it doesn't clog your pores, it's 100% natural, it's cheap, and it doesn't have any of the fillers that most moisturizers have that usually cause most breakouts, skin irritations and allergies). Trader Joe's sells a great jojoba oil by Desert Essence but you can also buy it online. For even more of a glow, you can actually use jojoba oil rather than moisturizer on your whole face. However, if you have a tendency to be oily in the first place, I would just start with the jojoba oil under your eyes.
• Apply luminizing concealer on the whole eye area – meaning all over your lid to the brow bone, and under the eye, working it out along the top of your cheekbone. I usually dab little dots all over the eye and then carefully blend with my ring finger (try not to smear it around on your eye… if you dab, rather than rub, you get a more even application). My very favorite is Yves St. Laurent's Touche Eclat in luminous radiance but there are plenty of drugstore brands that make knockoffs (i.e. Neutrogena, Revlon). Note: since these are really luminizers and not concealers, the color will not match your skintone. That's ok. It'll blend in glowy. I promise.
• If you have dark circles and need a little bit more under eye concealer, then blend this over the luminizer.
• Apply concealer and foundation on the rest of your face as usual (I personally only apply concealer or foundation in areas that need a bit of coverage – I like my skin to look like skin and I'm not bothered by a need to look “perfect”.)
• Apply Laura Mercier's Secret Brightening Powder with a big fluffy eyeshadow brush on top of concealer to set it. This product is an absolute miracle. It makes eyes look brighter and more awake without looking like “product” and doesn't settle into fine lines. It is NOT the same thing as a regular loose powder.
• Apply face powder as usual.
• Using a blush brush apply MAC's Iridiscent Loose Powder in Silver Dusk in a sideways v shape on the top of your cheekbone, all the way out to your temple, and back up to your brow bone. If you're on a budget, try Revlon's Skinlights Bare Light powder.
• Swirl your blush (or bronzer) brush into a combination of blush and bronzer. My absolute favorite is New York Color's Jamaica Me Crazy combo (available at drugstores) but, really, if you have blush and bronzer that works for you you can just combine the two. Tip: go for a less pigmented blush, for instance, a peachy-pink works really well in combination with bronzer. Blend the combination into the apples of your cheeks, working your way out along the cheekbone. I recommend starting with just a tiny bit of product and building it up. That way you don't end up looking stripey-skinned. Lightly brush a tiny amount of the combination on your forehead, nose and chin – it should just give a hint of color to your skin, not look “tan”.
• Finish applying makeup as usual (although I'd skip eye shadow with this particular look – the point is to give you a bright-eyed, glowy look). When I do this makeup I finish with a tiny bit of navy blue cake eye liner in the corners of my eyes, mascara, and a lipgloss – so I don't look made up, I just look like I had a great night's sleep… or at least a great night!
• For Body Glow: use Johnson & Johnson's Baby Oil GEL formula on your legs to make them ultra silky and shiny (just use a TINY amount – you don't want your legs to be greasy). Use MAC's Iridiscent Loose Powder in your cleavage and on your arms for a little extra oomph.
Life is about change. Sometimes the changes happen so subtly and slowly, we don't even notice them happening until someone else points out to us how much has changed. Sometimes the changes come on so fast and furious you want to tell the universe to “Slow Down!”. But the truth of the matter is, whatever the challenges you're facing, you're equipped to handle them. You have everything you need right now to face change with grace, humor, elegance and wit. Not after a year of working out, not after a complete wardrobe overall, not after an intensive healthy food regime. I don't believe that life throws us challenges that we can't handle. And the beautiful thing about these changes or challenges, is that they offer us an opportunity to see what we're really made of. Take care of yourself, be grateful for what you have, and enjoy the ride. You'll come out of stronger and even more resourceful than before. And if all else fails, remember you can fake anything – even the glow of a good night's sleep (or lack thereof).
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