5 Ways I Celebrate My Independence
by Lesley

Yes, I'll say it…I'm single and I'm happy. I don't feel like there's a hole in my life, like my other half is somewhere wandering the globe. Of course I'd like to fall in love and spend the rest of my life with a partner in crime, but that wouldn't make me any less of an independent. So, whether I remain single or get in a relationship – I've found some ways to celebrate this independence, both on my own and with other independent spirits like me.

1. Make a Date With Myself

My friend Amelia (who is not single, but forever an independent) once told me that romance can go as easily for one as it can for two. I tend to agree, we could all use a little romancing. Why should I wait for someone else to sweep me off my feet, I can do it myself. It could be as simple as running a bubble bath or as indulgent as booking a day at the spa. I cook myself delicious meals (check out our Recipes-For-One) and eat by candlelight. I also like to go out alone sometimes even when I could have a date. There are plusses to not having a plus one - I don't have to explain why I want to see that cheesy movie that all my friends are avoiding, or share my popcorn. And I always remember that when I do go out alone that the only person judging me is me.

2. Make One an Unlonely Number

Break-ups are never easy, and during my worst ones I've spent a lot of time alone to sort through my feelings (and cry, of course). But I tried not to lose sight of the support around me and the people who were still (and would always be) in my life. I truly appreciated it when my friends didn't press me to talk, but listened when I needed it. I'm a big fan of the Break-Up Mix – I've been on the receiving and giving end of that one. Some of my favorite songs are “You Suck” by The Murmurs, and pro-independent songs like “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.”

I have two friends in particular who I really admire for their ability to make one unlonely. Oddly enough they have never met, yet both of them threw themselves a Divorce Party. Not only was it smart to have friends around at a time that might be hard, it was really a testament to how these strong women were okay with being on their own again. They were not broken, there was nothing wrong with them, and they were ready to get on with their fabulous lives. That's a true independent spirit.

3. Make One a Lucky Number

Okay, so I haven't done this one yet, but I am determined to start the movement. I have never understood why only married couples get the gifts to begin their new life. Aren't us singles just as deserving? If we buy a house (all by ourselves I might add) shouldn't we get all the goods, too? So here's what I propose – for those singles out there that do get their first big apartment or house, why not register? You don't have to go for the expensive china and silver, but if friends and family will buy you gifts anyway why not make a point to tell them what you need. We deserve more than houseplants and bottles of wine. Or if that's too much for you why not make it a themed party – buff up your bar by having people bring a unique bar glass to add to your collection (Amelia's idea) or gardening tools for your new lawn. Don't be bashful about your accomplishments, I know when I buy my first house I'll be heading straight to Crate and Barrel.

4. Enrich My Independence

Okay so this might seem obvious, when I want to enrich my own life I can take a class, start a new hobby, do something I love, etc. But there are other things, too, like taking a solo vacation. Traveling alone can be rewarding (just ask Kristy Kruger). I've taken many road trips alone (okay, my dog usually comes, too), going on my own schedule, having nothing but my own thoughts. I've definitely learned a lot about myself and the world during those trips.

The best thing I ever did for myself (though, again, I gotta give my thanks to Amelia for getting me involved) was take a self defense course. What better way to become a more independent person than to learn not only how to defend myself but that I am worth defending. The experience made me so much more confident in who I was and how I could handle myself in any situation, and it can be fun to kick a big padded mugger's ass. If you want to learn more about the program I did check out http://www.prepareinc.com/ - they have branches all over the country.

5. Celebrate Other's Independence

My parents were always really good about making me feel good for being independent. When I wanted to go away to boarding school at 15, when I wanted to move to California to pursue film, when I wanted to change careers and go into teaching, they supported my decisions rather than arguing with them. Because of this I have always felt like I can do anything, and I know that when I'm not feeling so independent they'll still be there for me. I've also learned a lot from watching their relationship – two very different people who have made a life together. They can do this because they have their own lives, their own separate dreams, aspirations and activities, and they support these differences. From my perspective this one big reason why their marriage is successful.

So I've learned from them to support my friend's and boyfriend's independence –wherever it may lead them. I hate to bore you with that “if you love something set it free” crap, but it's true. I always try to make sure my family and friends, whether they are on their own or have a life-mate, know just how special they are and how much I value their independence.